Christian Side Hug


“Gimme That Christian Side Hug”

This is so much in this video that is so weird.

Christians are so hung up about sex that they can’t even hug face to face?

The juxtaposition of claiming to be a “rough rider” and being scared that you’ll get aroused by a “front hug” is very funny to me.

Add in the whole idea of “Christian Gansta Rap” (and yes, it’s supposed to be Gansta – sideways hats, sirens and gun shots) just adds another level of hilarity.

(And yes, that’s the Star Wars Imperial March they are rapping over.)

[Transcript] [I can’t believe I listened to it over and over again to try and get the words…]

(gun shots, sirens)
Oh yeah!
Hands Up!
What’s up Ladies and Gentlemen?
Ya’ll ready to party up in here?

Gimme that Christian side hug
That Christian side hug
Gimme that Christian side hug
That Christian side hug
I’m a rough rider
Filled up with Christ’s love
Gimme that Christian side hug
That Christian side hug

(rapper 1)
Hoopties are the EG rule so
Pay attention, it’s essential
This ain’t no front hug zone
You ain’t that fly, you ain’t my jones(?)
Stop! and listen
No front hugs and no kissin’
I ain’t that scared to call yo’ mama
You’ll be ridin’ home wit a coma [mimes hitting – others fall down]
I got my crew
You ain’t got nothin
Follow these rules
‘Cuz D ain’t bluffin
Now ah, you ain’t no rabbi
You ain’t no priest
So rise up off me
Like the (garbled) with no piece
Now ah, don’t use that front hug, boy
That (garbled)
That’s inappropriate
You back up off her ‘cuz
We wanna keep our minds pure
Wanna keep away from sin
That means it’s you too girl
(garbled) arms around him



(rapper 2)
We be walkin’ like
We be talkin’ like
We be side huggin’
Every day and night
It’s how we do, boo
This ain’t no club
So don’t be hatin’ on me when I show no love
We livin’ holy
It ain’t no thing
So put your hands in the air and let that shoulder hang
I’m goin’ global
‘Cuz you don’t know me
I’m buyin’ babies like Angelina Jolie [wtf?]
So quit that huggin’
And slow down mama
And hit my fist like President Obama
Now, Democratic shift in the Congress
Repub! (?)
Democratic shift in the Congress
Repub! (?)
Democratic shift in the Congress
Repub! (?)



(rapper 3)
I’m a married man
You know I can hold hands
Front hug all day long
With no other demands
But as for all of you
Until you say “I do”
No front huggin’ or PDA
Or EG time is through
But some of ya’ll is slick
Try to pull this trick
Your hug starts from the side
But soon it turns legit
So if you end up here
Then go ahead and scream it:
“When I hug people I leave room for the Holy Spirit”
If a girl walks up
With her arms spread wide
And she’s front hug bound
With that look in her eyes
You’d better
Turn to the side
Pat her on the back
Jesus never hugged nobody like that! [how do they know that?]



(gun shots, breaking glass, everyone falls down)

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